At the "Episode Select" menu, press Left, Left, Right, Left, X, O, 2, Spacebar to unlock all episodes.
Enter an obscenity as a name when either being the only player or when other players select "I Don't Care" as their name. Cookie will say "Oh, I see what you tried to do there..." and rename your player to a new name.
Successfully complete the indicated task to unlock the corresponding achievement. To view your achievements and stats in Steam, select "Community", "My profile", "View all my games", then the game and view stats.
1,000,000aire!: Earn $1,000,000 lifetime.
100,000aire!: Earn $100,000 lifetime.
500,000aire!: Earn $500,000 lifetime.
Back Taxes: Win all prizes in Episodes 1-73.
Beast Master: Get 10 animal questions correct (excluding DLC).
Button Banger: Get a multiple choice question right in the first 2 seconds.
Consolation Prize: Play 5 hours without getting a single achievement.
Discover Gauntlet of Fire: Find the very important gauntlet of fire.
DisOrDash: Ace a DisOrDat in under 10 seconds.
DisorDat Destroyer: Answer all 7 DisOrDat items correctly.
DisOrDat Participation Award: Complete DisOrDat in 30 seconds.
Film in Your Brain: Get 10 movie questions correct (excluding DLC).
Genius for a Day: Score at least $30,000 over your average.
Great Crowd: Laugh at a an easy joke.
It's Just More of This: Finish an episode.
Jack Attack Dog: Get all 7 Jack Attack questions correct without messing up in a 2-player game.
Living in the Past: Get 10 history questions correct (excluding DLC).
Mouth-Breather: Achieve third-highest rating achievement.
My First Time: Screw someone for the first time.
One Teat Short of an Udder: Achieve second-highest rating.
Overconsumer: Listen to all commercials after one episode.
Perfect Attendance: Play episodes 1-73.
Phatty: Get 10 food questions correct (excluding DLC).
Quick-Draw McDumbass: Choose wrong answer within the first 3 seconds 10 times.
Slack Attack: Get -$1 million on a jack attack.
Smelt the Roses: Get a multiple choice question right in the last 1 second.
Social Outcast: Finish 5 single-player games on Friday or Saturday nights.
Taking It from Behind: Come from behind to win during the Jack Attack in a 2-player game.
The Game's Half Empty: Play episodes 1-37.
The Game's Half Full: Play episodes 1-36.
Turncoat: Play on July 4th instead of celebrating America.
Unicorn: Achieve highest gamer rating.
Vidiot Savant: Get every question right in an episode.